Saturday, August 23, 2008

Big Chief Diamondboots

Rock Band is probably the single most popular party game on the market today. Overshadowed by the release of Rock Band 2 at the end of September, my lovely fiancée and I have been playing it like fiends. She plays guitar, forcing me to play bass, so I got bored last night and decided to dust off my old vocalist character and give him an update from unfancy mister plain-looking guy who was slightly reminiscent of Peter Steele of Type O Negative, to the much more awesome (and ridiculously time-consuming) King Diamond. Of course, I didn't call him King Diamond - that would just be a blatant rip-off and kind of petty.

I give you Big Chief Diamondboots.

Late that night I awoke from my sleep, hearing unknown voices laughing...

Naturally, the game has a character limit (gay) and I actually ended up with BigChiefDiamond, but we all know what he's really called.

So I went to edit my personal quote, which you know was going to be awesome and King Diamond-oriented. What did I enter? "Try to enter" would be a better choice of words. Harmonix, the developers of Rock Band, has a word filter in place for potential character names, band names, and personal quotes. I tried to have my quote as "Let me help you out of the chair, Grandma." The Rock Central Server told me my quote was "not what most would describe as "classy"", and that it would not be visible on the leaderboards until I changed it. Which means one of the words is considered to be obscene.

Wait, what?

I read, and re-read, the quote. Did a grouping of letters in there accidentally form an obscenity? Where? What? Did "toft" mean something in Ethernopia that I was not aware of? In the end, it turns out "help" is an offensive word.

Wait, what?

Now I had to use a play on words, resulting in "Let me assist you out of the chair, Grandma." Because, you know, they have no problem with the word ass.

So whatever you do, if you're getting attacked or drowning or something horrible but equally disturbing and/or life-threatening, under no circumstance should you yell for help.

People will think you're not classy.

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