Thursday, September 11, 2008

MST3K of the Week

Grand Theft Auto: Jungle Viking

I have been playing a lot of Mercenaries 2 for the Xbox 360. I mean, I have been playing a lot of Mercs 2. That and Castle Crashers. But that is for another discussion at another time.

The first thing you notice in Mercs 2 is how often you find yourself going "This is awesome!" Usually you're killing people. I know most people can identify with this, since in our everyday lives, we exclaim how awesome it is gunning down Venezuelan revolutionaries. The second most noticeable thing is how much time you can lose in this game, running around doing, well, things. Lots of things. Stealing - I mean, finding - cash, weapons, fuel, whatever. Driving around. Killing more people. It's nearly limitless. Now, the most notable thing, even if not most noticable, is how much Mattias Nilsson resembles the Technoviking. It's uncanny. So uncanny, I found I must do something to display its uncanniness.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Anonymous is written on the sands of Arrakis

I go on 4chan. Some may not believe it, but it's true. I frequent /wg/ and /hr/, looking for, well, wallpapers and high resolution artwork and photographs. One of the images I see, quite often, is an girl of (probable) arab descent, from National Geographic (if I recall properly). Every single time I see it, I think she looks like someone from Frank Herbert's Dune, minus the ostentatious features exposure to spice would produce. So, naturally, since I have seen that something is wrong on the internet, I had to fix it.

Be glad you didn't end up seeing Mua'dib in a Guy Fawkes mask.

Observations from the RNC

Well, 3 seconds into the Republican Nation Convention coverage tonight, some jerk started holding up a "McCain votes against vets" banner. Think of several points - they allowed it, for some reason, even though security was clearly seen at one point rushing the guy. What's worse is that the cameras kept showing the fool, alternating between holding his sign and proudly displaying his arms in the air with a V for Veteran, or Victory (presumably. I could be wrong, it could be V for Very Stupid, but whatever.)

But think of the Democrats and their media circus, and their whiny crybaby tendencies. What happened when the militant homeboy held up his sign at Obama's media event? His people ran in and ripped up the fool's sign. The only reason no one flipped out over it is because the media was quick to throw out releases saying Obama owned the guy and his questions. Ok, first of all, no one owned anyone, short of a buying off the media joke (but I'm not touching that one.) I watched it. The dude was a wingnut to begin with. He might as well have jumped up and said Bush caused Hurricane Katrina, and that George Bush doesn't care about black people. You don't have to be a good speaker to outspeak a whackadoo. It's one of the principles of public speaking. Whackadoos are everywhere, they fall out of the sky to ruin your day, and they frequently pick up some sort of liberal tree-hugging or divisive issue and go all stupid.

Another fella was removed from the convention for disruptive behavior, but the cameras stayed off the subject. McCain didn't, asking people to ignore the white noise. Or brown noise, as it may have been. This sort of idiocy should be expected, and might be - but it's a shame to even have to prepare for it. Glad I'm not working security in Saint Paul. Broken teeth on broken hippies tends to lead to trouble when tens of thousands of people see it on live television. It might actually boost ratings, though.

Reducto your face off \m/

After listening to LastFM, I was raised on AIM, and Almighty David brought up a discussion of metal bands. Naturally, I linked directly to Six Feet Under's Ghosts of the Undead on YouTube.

After a few moments, David cracked me up by ejaculating, "IS THAT HAGRID FROM HARRY POTTER?" Of course, it's much funnier here because A.) I have an accompanying picture and B.) I used the word ejaculating when I had more than a handful of other words to choose from.

Six Feet Under is, in no particular order, Allen West, Terry Butler, Rubeus Hagrid, and Greg Gall

Not only does this show that nerd culture has completely pervaded my existence, thus negating nearly everything I've known and causing the universe to begin collapsing in on itself, but also that I am entirely too nonchalant with Photoshop. Rock over London, rock on Hogwarts.

MST3K of the Week

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Character counts

I meant to post this yesterday. Better late than never. This is one of the most impressive speeches I've seen, so I wanted to put it here for posterity. Shame Fred Thompson himself isn't the one on the Republican ticket for the general election, but McCain is still a good choice.

Fred Thompson speaks at the Republican National Convention. September 2, 2008

I can also imagine Fred Thompson physically knocking out the head of a foreign country. That's my kind of elected official.

A million browsers, each a million lies

Everyone is talking about the beta release of Google's new browser, secret code name Chrome. Ok, so it's not a secret code name, but it sounds cooler if you say it that way. While it launches quicker than Internet Explorer 8 and Firefox version 3.1, all other comparisons are negligible to downright sucky. Worst of all is what you can catch in the fine print: "By submitting, posting or displaying the content you give Google a perpetual, irrevocable, worldwide, royalty-free, and non-exclusive license to reproduce, adapt, modify, translate, publish, publicly perform, publicly display and distribute any content which you submit, post or display on or through, the services. This license is for the sole purpose of enabling Google to display, distribute and promote the services and may be revoked for certain services as defined in the additional terms of those services."

MySpace (owned by Fox) pulled this same trick, which is why no one except 14 year old scene kids and underage topless girls hitting on 20 and 30-something year-old homeys ever use the MySpace blog features. Well, don't use the blogs anymore. Quite a few have actually left MySpace completely in favor of Facebook (for social purposes) and LiveJournal or Blogger (for semi-existential self-validation and ranting observatory purposes). No one wants to find out that when they posted their new novel, MySpace, Google, or whoever owns the rights to them because of the medium used to post it to the internet. In fact, pretty soon, if you want to share something you created, you're going to have to beam the entire thing directly into the brain of the person you're trying to show it to. In which case, you'd need some kind of focal lens and... I'm getting kind of off-topic here. Go invent your own brain shooter idea machine, I'm not going to hold your hand through it.

Chrome looks alright, from the screen shots I've seen. I'm sure lots and lots of people are going to use it. But I rely entirely too heavily on FireFox's Adblock to go and rearrange my hosts file just so I can use some dumb new browser when there's nothing wrong with this one. I'm sure there are plenty of people who would agree that I can be damned stubborn regarding trends. An overwhelming majority of, well, majorities, have been proven to be populated by idiots. Some of them I can't mention because of this, you know, One Rule.... that and I don't want infinity billion script kiddies blowing up my intarwebz from hacking by way of "Never Gonna Give You Up" and Guy Fawkes masks. But maybe, just maybe, after Google gets itself together and gives us a browser that most people with an IQ higher than 90 are going to instinctively distrust, then I might have a look at it. Until then, I'm going to keep on rocking the Q energy ball from Encounter At Farpoint. It beats a logo that looks like a Master Chief plama grenade, or the Eyeball 3000.

For further information, this page reflects on the ideas presented in this article:

Ultimately, Chrome will remain an awesome song by VNV Nation, as well as an album by Trace Adkins. It will also be my choice of finishes on a custom-made IMI Desert Eagle, and something that rhymes with and is frequently associated with the word "Dome." As to which, the latter usually has a bald guy, or some sort of henchman brain-surgeried hybrid creature. Like the guy with metal teeth. Or Joe Biden.