Wednesday, September 3, 2008

A million browsers, each a million lies

Everyone is talking about the beta release of Google's new browser, secret code name Chrome. Ok, so it's not a secret code name, but it sounds cooler if you say it that way. While it launches quicker than Internet Explorer 8 and Firefox version 3.1, all other comparisons are negligible to downright sucky. Worst of all is what you can catch in the fine print: "By submitting, posting or displaying the content you give Google a perpetual, irrevocable, worldwide, royalty-free, and non-exclusive license to reproduce, adapt, modify, translate, publish, publicly perform, publicly display and distribute any content which you submit, post or display on or through, the services. This license is for the sole purpose of enabling Google to display, distribute and promote the services and may be revoked for certain services as defined in the additional terms of those services."

MySpace (owned by Fox) pulled this same trick, which is why no one except 14 year old scene kids and underage topless girls hitting on 20 and 30-something year-old homeys ever use the MySpace blog features. Well, don't use the blogs anymore. Quite a few have actually left MySpace completely in favor of Facebook (for social purposes) and LiveJournal or Blogger (for semi-existential self-validation and ranting observatory purposes). No one wants to find out that when they posted their new novel, MySpace, Google, or whoever owns the rights to them because of the medium used to post it to the internet. In fact, pretty soon, if you want to share something you created, you're going to have to beam the entire thing directly into the brain of the person you're trying to show it to. In which case, you'd need some kind of focal lens and... I'm getting kind of off-topic here. Go invent your own brain shooter idea machine, I'm not going to hold your hand through it.

Chrome looks alright, from the screen shots I've seen. I'm sure lots and lots of people are going to use it. But I rely entirely too heavily on FireFox's Adblock to go and rearrange my hosts file just so I can use some dumb new browser when there's nothing wrong with this one. I'm sure there are plenty of people who would agree that I can be damned stubborn regarding trends. An overwhelming majority of, well, majorities, have been proven to be populated by idiots. Some of them I can't mention because of this, you know, One Rule.... that and I don't want infinity billion script kiddies blowing up my intarwebz from hacking by way of "Never Gonna Give You Up" and Guy Fawkes masks. But maybe, just maybe, after Google gets itself together and gives us a browser that most people with an IQ higher than 90 are going to instinctively distrust, then I might have a look at it. Until then, I'm going to keep on rocking the Q energy ball from Encounter At Farpoint. It beats a logo that looks like a Master Chief plama grenade, or the Eyeball 3000.

For further information, this page reflects on the ideas presented in this article:

Ultimately, Chrome will remain an awesome song by VNV Nation, as well as an album by Trace Adkins. It will also be my choice of finishes on a custom-made IMI Desert Eagle, and something that rhymes with and is frequently associated with the word "Dome." As to which, the latter usually has a bald guy, or some sort of henchman brain-surgeried hybrid creature. Like the guy with metal teeth. Or Joe Biden.

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