Monday, October 13, 2008

Percival Lowell can die in a fire

On February 18, 1930, Clyde W. Tombaugh discovered a discrepancy in a series of plates that showed a bunch of astronomical throw-up. That is to say, out of a million billion stars, he saw one little dot that was not in the first picture. This guy should be looking for Waldo right now. Percival Lowell could have seen the same thing in 1915, but he didn't. Because he sucked. Then why does he get credit in most scientific circles for discovering Pluto? Because he slept with all of those scientists. Ok, that isn't true. In reality, it is because he was Clyde Tombaugh's boss. Yeah. This tells us some very important information - Don't discover anything at work, or that fat son of a bitch manager Rob will take all the credit. After Pluto's discovery, not much happened. In September 1930, prophetic writer H. P. Lovecraft related information regarding this new ninth planet,
Astronomers, with a hideous appropriateness they little suspect, have named this thing "Pluto." I feel, beyond question, that it is nothing less than nighted Yuggoth - and I shiver when I try to figure out the real reason why its monstrous denizens wish it to be known in this way at this especial time. I vainly try to assure myself that these daemoniac creatures are not gradually leading up to some new policy hurtful to the earth and its normal inhabitants.
and in August 1931, the published information was regarded as too fabulous for society to digest. In the 1940s, a strange man promoted the notion that Pluto was actually an animated dog, and subsequently, this man's head was frozen in retaliation.

On August 24, 2006, the International Astronomical Union, a French pseudo-international cosmic naming club, met in Prague to agree that Pluto would no longer be considered a planet. Prague was vaporized by a laser beam from outer space, and everyone there died. France surrendered immediately, although this was a fruitless effort since they still had no idea what happened or who they were surrendering to. They only knew this course of action had worked so well in the past, what with the Normans and the Germans, it was worth a shot.

Sorry, sorry. The laser beam and Prague being exploderized and the French acting like the French was not true. In reality, nothing happened.


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