Friday, December 25, 2009

The Great Facebook Purge

I removed several (hundred) individuals from my friends list. There were too many, and I got sick of seeing useless updates about what the farmvilled or mafiavilled or whatever from people I have no desire to talk to.

If you believe you were removed accidentally, let me know and I will be happy to re-add you.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Green Day: Rock Band


Announced at the Spike Video Game Awards last night was the next game from Harmonix. So while a bunch of great games like Halo: Reach were being announced, they poo-pooed on my reality and announced this one.

Rock Band: Good
Rock Band 2: Good
The Beatles: Rock Band: Good
Green Day: Rock Band:


Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Lance Henriksen reprises 'Bishop' role in Aliens vs. Predator

Lance Henriksen, who played the "artificial lifeform Bishop in the film Aliens as well as billionaire Charles Bishop Weyland in the film Alien vs. Predator, will see another continuation of his Aliens film role in Rebellion's Alien vs. Predator game. Henriksen plays Karl Bishop Weyland, the descendant of Weyland-Yutani corporation founder Charles Bishop Weyland. The 69-year-old actor is happy with his virtual likeness (seen above) and is quoted as saying, "I might score from this game!"

Friday, November 27, 2009

Aliens vs. Predator Multiplayer

Imagine, it's 2001, you're on your computer and you're playing a badass multiplayer session of Alien vs Predator 2. Now, it's 2009, and you might be saying "I wish they'd make a game like that for consoles." Well, it comes out in February. Sega released this trailer today showing off the multiplayer, and it is awesome.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Say goodbye to that bird, nerd

Happy Thanksgiving!

Heap on the squash, Josh
Slice up the Spam, Sam
Pass me that salt, Walt
And then cut me some meat
I need some fried dough, Joe
So get it over here, pronto
And then you better step back, Jack
And watch me eat
Big fat steak, Jake
Chicken pot pie, guy
Slab of cheese, please
And a root beer float
Let go the fork, dork
Get away from that roast pork
Say goodbye to that bird, nerd
It's going down my throat
So grab another plate, Nate
Open up the fridge, Midge
Dish out the spud, Bud
And make room for me
If I'm a little uncouth, Ruth
It's 'cause I got me a sweet tooth
Together again, Ben
Thanksgiving and me

Naked Space Bits

International Space Station and Atlantis (which just undocked today) can be seen Thanksgiving night with the naked eye. If you'd like to get photos, here's a link to find your time zone and the direction to look from within the US.


(Thanks Shady!)

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Black No.9 (Little Miss Scare-All)

Lock your doors. Board up your windows. Turn off your lights. Destroy your staircase. For Gods sake, don't make any noise. Do not attempt to reach rescue centers as they may no longer be in operation. They are tireless. Barricades will not hold them. They possess a single, unexplainable need for one thing and they will not stop until they get it: unbelievable bargains at a fraction of retail price. Black Friday is again upon us, and shoppers are going to be everywhere.

A lot of people are going to be going out this Black Friday, but don't be one of those who wander around aimlessly from store to store looking for good deals. Do some research. Check out what sales the stores are having beforehand.  Here's a resource I use each year. Use it wisely; use it to your advantage.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

A Cautionary Tale

Scientology Attacker Gets Prison Time
366 days in jail for DDoS

By Lucian Constantin, Web News Editor
23rd of November 2009, 14:59 GMT

Dmitriy Guzner, 19, of Verona, New Jersey was sentenced to one year in prison for launching distributed denial of service (DDoS) attacks against websites belonging to the Church of Scientology in January 2008. Following his release, the young DDoSer will also spend two years on probation.

According to the prosecutors Guzner's attacks were acts of hacktivism and part of a larger anti-Scientology campaign led by a hacking group called Anonymous. In October 2008, the hacker became the first Anonymous member ever to be charged in connection with the group's actions.

Anonymous is believed to have originated on the notorious /b/ forum board of the 4chan website, the birthplace of many Internet memes, including lolcats. The members of this board are known as Internet trolls with a questionable sense of humor, who sometimes harass celebrities or other groups.

But the attacks against the Church of Scientology were much more than simple Internet pranks and escalated into a full-blown hate campaign. According to the attacked organization, Anonymous' actions consisted of 8,139 threatening phone calls, 3.6 million e-mails, 141 million hits on its website, ten acts of vandalism against its property, 22 bomb threats, and eight death threats against Church leaders.

Dmitriy Guzner pleaded guilty in May 2009 and admitted to intentionally impairing a protected computer belonging to the Church of Scientology. He faced a maximum of ten years in federal prison, but under sentencing guidelines, the final penalty was expected to be between 12 and 18 months.

Last week, the 19-year-old hacker was sentenced to 366 days in prison, followed by two years of probation. He was also ordered to pay $37,500 in reparatory damages, even though the Church of Scientology claimed it cost $119,500 to repair the damages caused by Guzner.

"It's well known that many people are concerned by the Scientology movement [...], but both Scientologists and the Anti-Scientology movement have sometimes done themselves damage by the way they have carried themselves on the internet. As I've said before, though, Even if you feel passionately and earnestly that Scientology is harmful to society, it does not make illegal action (such as an internet attack) against them acceptable," Graham Cluley, commented.

I know this kid from a site I've been admin on for the past three years. He was a former member of the Wilmarth Cafe forums as well, before it moved to the new server. And I'm quite familiar with the activity on 4chan regarding the Church of Scientology. I think the protests are hilarious. The hacking, not so much. Once upon a time, one watched what they said about 4chan, and what one said about Anonymous. But those were the oldfags. Newfags are a whole 'nother animal. Today's user tends to be, well, far from frightening.

With Aendy's Dmitry Guzner's conviction and sentencing, his actions are now a matter of public record. Everything was all fun and games until he went too far. There's a right way to knock Scientology and a wrong way. I'm sure you can figure it all out.

Monday, November 23, 2009


Sunday, November 22, 2009

I am the Great and Powerful Motherf*#%er

Just got home. Family is still in town (my parents) so I was at my older sister's house, who lives just outside the city.  Today's been a day. Earlier, my parents came to my house, which was a stranger event than you'd imagine. It wasn't so much visiting as it was catching the end of the Steelers game as it went into overtime, then demoing the functionality and features of the Xbox 360 since my parents want to buy one. You know, for Netflix and Facebook and last.FM and basically everything but actually playing video games on the system.

At any rate, back to my sister's house, where my niece begs to watch The Wizard of Oz with her. That's cool, I'm down with that; it's been a while since I've seen it.  Had no idea if my wife ever saw it, but ever since I introduced her to Babes in Toyland I don't ask anymore. Mostly I just started watching to see if I could find the hanged midget in the background, but then I started running Pink Floyd in my head and got sucked in from there. That's ok, it wasn't all bad. My niece and younger nephew were happy. My blood pressure was a little high by the end of the day, but I got out in time to get back home and bring the puppy out with zero accidents. He's happy, I'm happy, my wife's happy, and thus I am allowed to continue to exist. Until tomorrow, at least.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Worst post ever

I feel like crap tonight, for the second night in a row. Family is in town, I have a cold or something, and I've been chasing the dog from here to Timbuktu. So instead of a wonderful, entertaining, quality post like you'd normally get, tonight you get me writing about my lack of writing. Which doesn't seem to be quite so lacking after all. Weird.

I'm going to bed.

Friday, November 20, 2009

It has been reported....

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Snoop Puppy Dogg

Some of you may not have heard yet, but I got a dog a few weeks ago. A puppy, actually. Someone abandoned it outside my house. Just stopped their car and threw it out. It was about six or seven weeks old then, just a tiny little puppy that was shaking and crying. Best I can tell it's mostly German Shepherd, with what's probably a little lab and possibly a little bit husky in it.

Anyway, so the dog is named Dizzy. The reason for the name is two fold. One, when he was really little, he would sit in my lap, then get up and turn around and around and fall over. Very cute. The other is partially after the character from Gears of War 2 that drives the grindlift. The dog is getting big fast. And as he grows, so does his energy. So I gotta get him to burn it off. He used to be afraid of taking walks until lately, but I now I bring him around the south part of the city every day for about an hour. South New Castle is crumbling, with dilapidated and abandoned buildings. A huge edifice lies a block from my house, looking like an old abandoned church, but is actually the remains of the Terrace Avenue School from the 1800s. An abandoned house is next door, and another across the street. What people live in the area are a mix of the elderly who have been here since New Castle wasn't a craphole, or simple white trash.

It's amazing what you see when you go for a walk. As I've pointed out, there are a lot of abandoned buildings. When I'm out walking the dog, I tend to linger and stare at some of them, such as the Terrace Av. School. You can't help but get the impression that you're the protagonist in the beginning of a Lovecraft story. As a matter of fact, for the Lovecraft aficionado, the neighborhood I live in closely mirrors the French Hill district in Arkham. But aside from the buildings, you see the people. Some are just walking down the street. Some are in their yards or on their porch. Some are just... there. But I can honestly say that for every few people I bump into, I see some kid or group of kids (note that I would refer to anyone of any age as kid if their demeanor shows it) thinking they're ghetto fab freestyle rappers, or wannabe gang-bangers. Except they're little white kids who wouldn't know the street if it bit them on the ass.

Video related:

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Star Wars Gangsta Rap: Chronicles

More than ten years ago, Bent TV (Bentframe) made a viral hit, the Star Wars Gangsta Rap. Now they have made a sequel. Star Wars Gangsta Rap Chronicles debuted yesterday (November 10th) on This is the real sequel by the original creator and not a spoof.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Happy Birthday USMC

November 10, 1775. Tun Tavern. Philadelphia, PA. A committee of the Continental Congress meets to draft a resolution calling for two battalions of Marines. The resolution is approved and officially forms the Continental Marines.

The United States Marine Corps celebrates its 234th birthday today. So while you're playing your Modern Warfare 2, remember that they're out there kicking ass so you can sit on yours.

The USMC is not to be confused with the USCM, who are badass bug-hunting mothers. Nor is it to be confused with the UNSC, without whom the Covenant would have glassed us all. 

Monday, November 9, 2009

Borderlands DLC available November 24 on PS3, Xbox 360

Starting November 24, Dr. Ned is graciously opening his Zombie Island to any gun-toting maniac with ten bucks. 2K has announced the price ($9.99/800) and release date for the first Borderlands DLC pack on PS3 and Xbox 360.

2K promises "ferocious brain-eating zombies, carnivorous Were-Skags and more" on the spooky island, but, perhaps more relevant to weapon-obsessed Borderlands players, there's more "sweet, sweet loot" to find.

Modern Warfare 2 Midnight Release Tonight

Just a friendly reminder to those who may have pre-ordered Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 - select Gamestops will be hosting a Midnight Release tonight in advance of tomorrow's official release date. Break out those pre-order receipts and get up there to nab your copy before everyone else. And by everyone else, we mean suckers who aren't running in there tonight. Check out the full list of Midnight Releases to see if your local GameStop is participating. And I'll see you on Xbox Live after midnight tonight.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Where are the coordinates?

It is safe to assume anyone who works at Google is a nerd.That being said, this Google map brings the strange days of random encounters such as that of the Alert to a slightly lesser margin, and really brings the modern-day investigator and the tools at his disposal to the forefront of awesomeness.

Northeast U.S. GameStops Selling Modern Warfare 2 Early

GameStops in Northeastern states such as New York, Pennsylvania, and Ohio are selling Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 early, granted special dispensation from Activision due to street-breaking mom-and-pop stores.

Here in Atlanta we still have to wait until Monday's midnight launch to pick up Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, but lucky folks in several Northeastern states are getting their copies earlier. According to a GameStop employee I spoke to in Bowling Green, Ohio, Activision granted certain area stores special permission to sell the game early, in order to stem the tide of lost customers picking their copies up early from local mom and pop stores.

Called my local Game Stop; the chick that answered was a complete bitch. "No we can't sell it before Monday at midnight, that would be illegal." /condescending higher-than-thou attitude

Might be worth a shot for others, though.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

First Halo Legend Episode on Halo Waypoint

Today Halo Waypoint will be airing a full episode of Halo Legends called "The Babysitter." This first Halo Legends preview episode follows the story of a group of ODSTs who reluctantly accept a Spartan sniper into their strike team. As they embark on a perilous mission to assassinate a high-ranking Covenant Prophet, old rivalries must be reexamined if the mission is to succeed. Watch what happens as the mission progresses into hostile territory, and both the Spartan and the ODSTs discover something important about the other.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Celebrate Gears 2's First Anniversary With Triple XP

Today through Monday, November 16, 9 AM EST, Gears of War 2 gamers get a nine-day multiplayer extravaganza. In addition to triple experience throughout the event, players will be able to play in an all-new tactical mode across all multiplayer game types (including Horde). Players can expect two big changes in tactical mode, increased weapon damage and reduced ammo counts, along with a few subtle tweaks such as increasing down-but-not-out health so revives are still possible. Also during the event, Public Horde’s difficulty will be bumped to hardcore, and playlists can include individual game types—meaning you can play exactly what you want, when you want. Prepare for the challenge, and more than ever, remember to take cover!

Monday, August 31, 2009

Disney Aquires Marvel

Today Disney announced its acquisition of Marvel for 4 billion dollars. The internet is abuzz with comments and questions, and I'm not above throwing my two cents out there. Will Disney Disney up Marvel? Yes. It won't turn it into Mickey Mouse, but they will change their target demographic to young boys instead of teens and adults. They focus on young girls with Hanna Montana, and they will shift the comic in a way exactly as you pointed out. To make money. I also think the movies will be softened up, sliding at best to a family feel-good adventure movie such as Pirates of the Caribbean. I foresee a lot of oversight with content and an inevitable drop from potential R rated films to a more easily mass-digestible PG-13. I foresee massive proprietary spikes as far as merchandising is concerned, and having the collectibles market over-saturated with even more mass-produced crap than there is now. From a consumer standpoint, Disney gaining Marvel is the watering down of a once-loved world of heroes and villains into the cheesy assimilated family-friendly World of Disney.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Hi. I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such posts as 'You're reading this in my voice' and 'You just lost the game'.
From a topic I found on a discussion board:
An extraterrestrial civilization offers United Nations one of three advanced technologies:

-Gravity weaponsystem

What do you think would the UN choose?
And why would they choose it?
I think they would choose the War Penguin.

Back Again

It's been a while. Months. But here I am, larger than life and twice as awesome. Let's recount what's gone down since May.

The Wilmarth Cafe is up and running, up on another server with another host and is guaranteed to be around for at least the next two years. Join us at if you haven't already.

I'm doing alright health-wise. If you didn't know my problems, consider yourself lucky and just forget I ever said anything. Still having some problems with stress, but what can you do. "General anxiety disorder" has to be the most ambiguous term I've ever heard. So what do I most of the time now? Not much, really. Mostly play Xbox. You got a problem with that? Ok, fair enough. I honestly have been doing better - have more energy, do stuff sometimes, go out once in a while.

Speaking of which, if any of you readers want to rock Rainbow Six Vegas 2 (or the first one, for that matter) send me a message on Xbox Live. RSV2 is a great game that seriously needs more attention from me. Until ODST comes out, that and Gears 2 are my games number one games to play with friends.

So what else is new? My wife and I want to move. Anywhere. Just not here. However, the problem is that we don't have the money. She wants to move to Alabama. I want to move anywhere that isn't where I am now. Literally. I'll live on the side of a volcano, just get me out of here. All we can do is try to reduce our spending, pay off our bills, and save our cash. Once we're on top of that, we should be able to move by at least 2042.

D'oh. :(

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Domain Name Suggestions; Follow-up on The Official 2009 Wilmarth Cafe Pledge Drive

Thank you to everyone who pledged to bring back the Wilmarth Cafe website! We never actually reached our goal for the hosting plan we were hoping for, but I think we can sign on with another plan for the time being using the amount pledged.

We can't secure the original domain name, though - On this note, I'll ask what you members think the new domain name should be. Discuss at

There are some examples, but feel free to add your own suggestions. Once I decide which name to use, I'll call in the pledges and sign up for hosting, and the site will be back!

- The Wilmarth Cafe

Monday, April 20, 2009

Dia de Los Baños

They say you can't squeeze blood from a stone, but you can squeeze it from a butt. Ok, admittedly that was a pretty disgusting way to begin a blog entry, but it's relevant. Sort of. Today I'm doing the prep work for a kaleidoscope. Wait, that doesn't seem right, let me check my paperwork. Today I'm doing the prep work for a colonoscopy. What sort of prep work is this? The directions are simple:

Drink 1 bottle of Magnesium Citrate. Wait a half hour. Drink another bottle. Wait another half hour, then use a fleets enema in rectum. Wait 4 hours and repeat this entire procedure.

Four bottles of Devil Juice plus two Butt Douches equals one very unhappy Big Chief. While I've only just started the whole thing, I've begun setting up a base of operations in my bathroom, complete with telephone, books and magazines. It's going to be a long day.

Segway to the next part of the discussion.

I went to the doctor's a while ago for non-butt-related issues and found I had a severe Vitamin D deficiency and depression, so I was given prescription strength Vitamin D and an antidepressant. Sad thing is that it worked. While I wasn't sad or emo, I often felt out of it and unable to concentrate or motivate myself to do certain things. Now I feel like I'm coming out of a fog. It's awesome. Sunshiny days help a lot too. Funny that you don't get too many of them in NE PA. Ok, it's not really very funny at all. Shut up.

So hey, remember how I like games? I still play them. I just don't discuss them much anymore. I've gotten most of the games I wanted this year, but now I got a gift card for GameStop. This is good because I have yet to buy a copy of Ace Combat 6. I always meant to, but never got around to it. I rented it via GameFly, declared it to be awesome, and now must buy it. Another game to add to the never buy category, however, is Warhammer: Battle March. Boring, sloppy, and difficult to remember how to control anything, the game is one huge irritating snoozefest. I keep trying to get through it in the hopes that it's really not bad and I just suck, but as I remember all the controls, it still doesn't get any better. No thanks.

Thanks for listening, chilllllllllldren, this is Three Dog, owwwwwwww! Sorry, no it's not. Sorry. Really, sorry.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Cthulhu (2007)

I recently finished watching Cthulhu. I only wanted to cover this because more than a few friends have asked me if I've seen it yet, and recently, a friend on Facebook asked about it after I mentioned picking it up as a rental. Here goes.

Now, I did go into this movie knowing full well it was a gay film. But it's also a self-described Lovecraft-inspired film. If you can sit through the first hour, you'll find yourself thinking "Hey, this isn't so bad. Maybe I won't be so harsh while describing it." Then they remind you over and over why you should reconsider. Other than getting the feeling you're watching an awful Lifetime or LOGO movie, the film hurt my sensibilities - over and over. While at parts it seems they really did want to loosely adapt a Lovecraft story, they pause time and again to demonize heterosexuals - in an overt attempt at being grossly stereotypical. I have to presume it was on purpose, lest I think they're so out of touch with heterosexuals they truly believe them to be the way they portrayed, and I would guess they also think all black people like KFC and watermelon.

They also make sure to elevate homosexual males to crucifixion status - of course, at the hands of the aforementioned stereotypical homophobic heterosexual conspiratorial males. They even had an angry mob, complete with torches! Now, I keep saying males to make sure that we understand character development in the film. But they don't target heterosexual males, because that would be wrong. They made sure to include heterosexual women and Christians too. Phew. I thought I was going to be offended. Wait a minute...

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not going to sit here and gay bash. But now I'm going to go into the... ickier... parts of the film. "Should I rent this?" you might be asking yourself. Absolutely, if you want to see two gay guys jerking off under a dock. And yes, there is a steamy gay sex scene later on in the movie. That's all I really want to say any more regarding that topic. Thank you and good night, please tip your waitresses.

"Hey! Chief! What about the Lovecraft fans? Have you forgotten us? Aren't you going to make comparisons to Lovecraft's work, namely The Shadow Over Innsmouth? Aren't you going to tell us about any inaccuracies or bastardizations?" Why yes, Virginia, I think I am. First and foremost, Cthulhu himself is only mentioned by name once in the entire text of The Shadow Over Innsmouth (not counting the In His House... reference). This is at the end where the protagonist offers the revelation that the Deep Ones could never truly be destroyed, and paying a tribute to said Great Old One. Any Lovecraft fan who knows Azathoth from an apple probably knows the story related to Dagon. "Who's Dagon?" Dagon was a Phillistine fish god. Now stop interrupting. Dagon was better referenced in Stuart Gordon's Dagon (duh), but that's a topic in itself.

It should be noted also that there aren't really any monsters in this movie (except those awful awful straight people.) Some baby Deep One hybrid things are pretty close. They also show what is supposed to be a few dozen Deep Ones coming out of the sea, but since it was apparently shot from the air, and they apparently didn't want to put much thought into what their Deep Ones would look like - you know, because they're all tiny and semi-out-of-focusey - they're just lanky weirdos walking with their legs apart up a long ass beach. Although, the movie does have Tori Spelling in it, and I challenge the reader to find a more horrifying visage to throw on my screen when I'm not expecting it. The story also takes place on the west coast, in 'Rivermouth,'Oregon, rather than New England; Innsmouth, MA. On the bright side, it was pretty cool to see a ship in the background of one scene bearing the name Alert.

Now, because I'm tired, I'm going to end this post rather quickly. In fact, it seems that the whole post itself has been a series of disjointed impressions rather than a proper review. I can live with that if you can. While I kept trying to give it chances, the movie offended me. It offended my senses because it was a bad movie, and it offended me because I like boobies. As the credits rolled, my wife said the movie could be described using two words. She liked the ones I used a lot better. Gaydiculously Grossorrible. The entire thing reminds of the words H. P. Lovecraft himself wrote in a letter to J. Vernon Shea dated 14 August 1933:

So far as the case of homosexuality goes, the primary and vital objection against it is that it is naturally (physically and involuntarily—not merely ‘morally’ or aesthetically) repugnant to the overwhelming bulk of mankind...

Apologies if anyone is genuinely offended by this post. But you know what? I listen to your opinions, even if I think they're kind of icky. You can deal with mine.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

See you on the other side!

I'm almost to the point where I, with sheer incredulity, can't watch Obama speak anymore. Yesterday, as Sen. McCain made note of, the President says GOP'ers have decided to just "be against whatever the other side is for." So much for bipartisanship! Well John, I'm sorry to tell you that the bipartisanship we were promised has sunk. So, he's dropped the illusion of bipartisanship. Now he takes on two different tactics when speaking publicly: Tell you everything you want to hear, no more, no less. When that doesn't work, what's left? Blatantly lie. Tell people what they want to hear, and maybe they'll stop asking questions.

I'm disappointed with Bethesda. I wanted to play the Fallout 3 DLC "The Pitt" today, but it's massively buggy and they shut it down. Bethesda Q&A got hit hard by fans. I almost feel sorry for them. Almost. So, in order to avoid a world where you fall through the planet, can wander off the map into Stephen King-like misty nothingness (I swear there are Langoliers out there), and there are yellow exclamation marks everywhere, they took it off Marketplace and are working on fixing it. Good, because some of the other problems involve the fact that you can't actually get into Pittsburgh, which means you can't play or beat the DLC you just paid ten bucks for. I was hoping they'd make some quick fixes and would be back out tonight, but nope, didn't happen. Maybe I'll see it tomorrow, if I'm lucky. I'm tired now. Bedtime. Good night, moon.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

OMG Teh Pitts?! No wai!!

Here I am, still awake at twenty five after two in the morning. Am I staying up to wait for the release of The Pitt at 3 am? Ye--- nope. I know, you're shocked. I just happen to still be awake for no particular reason. Granted, tomorrow I'll be knee deep in Pittsburghian radiation, but tonight, we dine in Hell. I mean, I will go to sleep. In fact, I just took an Ambien CR, loaded up UNO on the ole 360, and plan on getting frustrated at morons. I mean, playing a few good ranked games.

Which reminds me, have you heard about the imminent release of the new UNO game on XBLA? It's UNO Rush. And it is retarded. I thought it was going to at least have the novelty of playing Tom Sawyer in the background, but nooooo. It's just crackhead spedmonkey UNO where everyone suddenly vomits their cards in a frantic dash to win achievements. So I doubt very much I'll be playing it. And now, I will end this post on a lighter note. Note to self: purchase lighter.

Monday, March 23, 2009

It's Healthy!

So, I come to find out that bitching and complaining [in your blog] about whatever bothers you is healthy way to vent anger and frustration. This information was presented by the US Department of Duh. But, who wants to sound like a pissed off jerk all the time? Not me! I only want to sound like a pissed off jerk some of the time.

I noticed via my 360voice blog that someone gave me negative rep the other day. Considering the only multiplayer interaction I usually have anymore is ranked UNO games, I knew someone had to be acting like a butthurt little baby because I beat them and they were mad so they negged me. Ok, but what did they rep me for? I looked it up.


I've only been negged twice ever - once was because my ISP was run by retarded space monkeys and I couldn't stay connected, so I was reported as "Quit Early" (which is fair, I will give them that.) But this dumb douchenozzle negged me for Language. "But Chief" you go on, "What did you say? Did you call them names? Did you tell them where exactly they could stick those cards?" Nope. I didn't say anything. Actually, the best I can figure is that someone got pissed off because I wasn't talking. I never - no, scratch that - very rarely use a mic when playing UNO. It's my end of the night, relax and feel good game. And some dickless idiot goes and spoils it by neg-repping me like a pampered little girl.

Oh, good news Xbox 360 buddies - I just won an Ebay auction for a copy of Gears of War 2. So now I'll probably being playing that on Horde mode a lot again. Last time I played Horde mode with some buddies from Gamers Republic it was awesome - in fact, it was probably one of the most fun multiplayer experiences I've had since my first multiplayer game of Left 4 Dead with George, or the late nights I spent after work playing Terrorist Hunt on Rainbow Six Vegas back in '07. Yikes, 2007. 2007....

That makes me think of something else. Well, that's it. Everything makes me think of something else. A lot. Recently, I keep reflecting on the past, a lot more than I used to. Mostly bad stuff, to be honest; stuff I wish I could go back to eight or nine years ago and bust out with some mature shit, but also some good things. Like 2007. Man, I WORKED. A LOT. Work all day busting my ass at a factory, then I would come home and work out on the super mega awesome Chuck Norris Ass-Kicking Device known as the Total Gym (Seriously, kids, I swear by it, it will change your life.) then a few hours later after showering I would turn on the Xbox and play games. It was awesome. Like a drug. I completely neglected the internet. All my online friends didn't know what was going on, what had happened to me. But I eventually leveled out, was able to swing many things at once, balance it all, multitask even. And then.... I got with my girlfriend who became my fiancee who became my wife and now I sometimes forget what a multiplayer online game is. Whee! Looking back is fun. Don't read this paragraph too many times though, please. The Hounds will follow........

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Generic Blog Entry 33.0

What up y'all, welcome to the show. I'm Big Chief, like you don't already know. And this is my sidekick, Fat Pat, he goes "eh eh eh eh" and all of that. Ok, not really. That's some modified lyrics from an ICP song. That I now must post. Thanks blog-readers, look what you did. Also, warning, explicit lyrics.

Now that I've gotten that out of my system, it's time to ramble. Lord, I was born a Ramblin' Man... no, no, no, I must not post more YouTube videos. That's enough. Seriously. If you readers wanted to watch tv, you wouldn't be online. Unless you have WebTV. Then you're probably watching tv. And you've also probably time traveled here from like, 1997. WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF TOMORROW!!!!!

I was talking recently with someone about the President. Of the United States. Yes, seriously. Yes, people actually still talk to me about him. Yes, they know I don't like him. Can we move on? Thank you. So I was asked recently about the President. The person I was talking to mentioned something to the effect that he was Hitler. Yes. Hitler. Naturally, I had to point out the obvious. I actually added it to the Personal Quotes on the right column, but I'll repost it for the purpose of continuity:

They're saying Obama is Hitler? I thought they said Bush was. I'll bet the next president will be Hitler too.

I'm cynical a lot of the time, but I even have hope. Hope floats. That was in a movie. Although, I don't find that too encouraging, because shit also floats. And we're in deep. But regardless, I have no qualms about anyone if they do the right thing. But my qualms are multiplying right now, and I'm going to need qualm storage soon. I also need to stop watching the news, because it's getting so bad I think my qualms are beginning to reproduce asexually.

So, enough about politics. Anyone see Battlestar Galactica? Everyone who's anyone has been talking about it. I didn't see it. I don't really like it. I saw the first few episodes and couldn't dedicate myself to it. But then again, I did that with the new Doctor Who series, and I actually caught back up a good way streaming via Netflix. Anyway, they smoked space blunts, some people were dying, and now it's over. Hurrah. Nerds are probably pissed at me. Well, that makes everyone, I'm outtie.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Hi shee shy shee shy

Not much of a post tonight. It's late, and I'm tired. I had some Guinness with my meat and potatoes, shot a bunch of guys in Far Cry 2, dwelled way longer than I meant to on whether shooting black guys in video games is inherently racist, until I remembered the entire game takes place in Africa, and they mix it up by throwing some European exploiters in there. Wait a minute.

Anyway, here's what you get. Enjoy it.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Oh hai wuts goin on in here?

Ask yourself, how long, exactly, is a while? Is it a day? A week? Or is it precisely twenty-two days? It is, in my opinion, a bit more than a moment. Ba-zing.

Ok, so yes, I am alive. No, I didn't forget to post here. I felt like crap after surgery. Then I felt good. Then I felt bad again. Then I felt hungry. Then I felt sleepy. Then I felt good. Then I couldn't stay still, got an infection, and everything crapped up again. Oh well. I guess it goes to show you, if you get your face cut up by a doctor, you probably shouldn't try to take on the world for at least another week.

So, what's up, loyal readers? Expecting to hear something awesome in this blog entry? Well, you're not to be disappointed. Remember The Wilmarth Cafe? No? You're a jerk. Oh, you were kidding. Well, you're still a jerk. I'll explain what's going on with things in the following block quote:

Return of the Wilmarth Cafe

First of all, some of you probably find it odd to hear anything about the OLD forums server. There is an explanation, hold on a minute. In 2006 the Wilmarth Cafe was moved to the new server and changed over to phpBB software. After a while, those forums were upgraded to vBulletin and we all enjoyed the new site and the new software.

In May of 2008, WilmarthCafe. com went down due to lack of funding. Since then, we've received an overwhelming amount of emails, instant messages, phone calls, and even threads on the forums of other websites asking about it and hoping the site would come back. Well, in the interim, the old forums have been reactivated in an effort to bring together the Wilmarth Cafe refugees who have gotten lost into the financial shuffle. We now invite you back and hope you haven't forgotten us!

Be sure to contact Big Chief Knockemboots (formerly Prof MG Miller) via AIM (Prof MG Miller) or MSN ( if you have any lingering problems with permissions or functionality. If you can access the list of forum leaders (the moderating team) feel free to also contact any of the staff.

Also, please check out The Official 2009 Wilmarth Cafe Pledge Drive -

Thanks, and welcome back!

Now that you're suitably excited, go to the link and pledge your support so we can bring back our community's home. I mean, we can only hang on my every word here for so long before we crave other forms of BCK insight, right?

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Readers Wept

Shortest post ever - I'm having surgery tomorrow. I'm going to bring my laptop into what I am going to call my "Recovery Fort." I may or may not post for a while. If you're going to start going through BCK withdrawal, here's some food for thought. Why the hell would there be copy of the Necronomicon in a locked room in a basement in a house in Reamstown PA? In 1928. And suddenly, zombies. I'll address this topic more in a future entry.

Also, no bills allowed inside the Recovery Fort. I hate paying them, and I won't while I'm down and out. Plus bills screw with my head when I'm taking pain medicine. Bills and pills don't mix. NO BILLS.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Cartoon Planet X?

I really need to stop watching national news. More specifically, I need to stop watching our new Overbamalord make his speeches. Honestly, am I the only one who listens to the words he says? I mean, I try my best to wrap my brain around the stuff that falls out of his head and lands on microphones, but it's getting harder and harder. It's like after his Hope and Change Campaign-A-Thon, he completely checked out upstairs. His words make no sense. It's like... oh gawd, screw it. From now on, he is Brak Obama.

Fat kids cover their feelings of inadequacy with humor. My brain apparently does the same thing when it gets overloaded with Stupid Waves coming from my tv news. But it's usually appropriate. Sure, we've seen Broccoli Obama, and even Zodbama (ooh, that would be a good photoshop.) But seriously. Think about this guy.

Seems appropriate, doesn't it? Eh? EH?

Fine. What about now?

That's what I thought.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Eyeball 3000. Minus 2999.9 Repeating.

It's amazing what science can do these days. Of course, I'm being facetious. I'm a little bitter, because my eyes hurt. I had to get an eye exam today, and they put those drops in that dilate your pupils to the point where they start sucking in stellar matter. They also did away with the process where they air brush your eyeballs, instead opting to add drops that completely numb your eyes and then stick the giant laser from Mars Attacks! into it. Actually, thinking about it, it's a lot like the scene from Fire in the Sky where they stick the needle in the guy's eye. And the Dr. shines lights in your eyes that are high-wattage. I mean high. I mean, apparently my eye doctor has found a way to harness the energy from the sun and shine it directly into my ocular cavities.

I came home, and couldn't see. Everything was dark and bright at the same time, and very blurry. I couldn't go online, I couldn't really watch tv. I couldn't focus on anything, so I couldn't read. And I picked up a copy of the new expansion for Grand Theft Auto IV: The Lost and the Damned. And I couldn't read the code, so I had to wait for my wife to come home and enter the thing onto Xbox Live for me. Sheesh.

Speaking of The Lost and the Damned, it's awesome. Being a biker in a biker gang riding around a pseudo-NYC? Sign me up. Also, sign me up for brownies. And direct me to the line where they hand out free money.

Which brings me to the question on everyone's mind. Why make an entry on a blog, even as awesome as this one, when I could be playing the aforementioned GTA IV DLC? Well, stupid, I said my eyeballs hurt. "But Big Chief," you may be saying to yourself, "That doesn't make sense. Your computer has light from the monitor, so what does it matter?" Well, Mr. Smartass, how are you just going to argue with me in every post like that. You should be ashamed of yourself. Why don't you go read some Spiderman comics and leave me alone.

Ok, you can stay. But I'm going to go play Xbox.

Shut up.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Kenny Glenn, Complete Douchebag

And today's topic, flying around the internet at the speed of things which fly through a series of tubes at a high velocity, is Kenny Glenn. "But Big Chief," you say, "Who or what, or possibly when, is a Kenny Glenn." Well, Kenny Glenn is a stupid teenager from Lawton, OK. From, like, now.

Kenny Glenn posted two videos on YouTube, today (February 15th, 2009) in which he abuses a cat named Dusty. Calling himself "Timmy" and "The Animal Abuser," the videos were posted on the YouTube account of "glennspam1". Anonymous, the Legion of unnamed users from 4chan, were on it like a fat chick on a ham, and soon KSWO News was flooded by calls and emails to air the story.

Comanche County teen films himself abusing cat, airs on YouTube
Posted: Feb 15, 2009 08:43 PM

Lawton_In a disgusting case of animal abuse, a cat being abused was filmed by the culprits and posted on YouTube. A teenaged boy slammed a cat against a wall and repeatedly struck it. It was a hot topic on the internet all day Sunday and bloggers think it happened in Lawton.
Among the thousands of posts on the internet, commenters pointed to Lawton as the source after it was posted this weekend. The user name and information, along with other information on the internet pointed to a teen here in Texoma. Posts from all over to country asked people to call 7News, and plenty did. Due to it's graphic nature, much of the video was edited for this story.
The teenager - who calls himself "Timmy" entered a bathroom that he called his laboratory. Inside the shower was a cat which the boy picked up by its neck and slammed against the wall and floor before beating it with his fists. The attack continued for more than a minute.
YouTube removed the video Sunday afternoon and disabled the user's account - but not before it was seen about 30,000 times. Local authorities confirm that they are investigating the video, and Lawton Police say the Comanche County Sheriff's Department is investigating. Sheriff Kenny Stradley has been shown the video.

Due to the graphic nature of the videos, I will not provide an uncensored link here and will only provide one upon request. And since I don't live at my computer, don't expect an immediate response unless you give me an email address.

This kid is a psychopath. I have to praise Anonymous on getting all OCD on him and finding every shred of info and making it public - not just because I don't want to get my computer blown up by Anon ninja hackers, but because any kid who can act like Kenny Glenn did with no feeling deserves to get their ass handed to them. Be it bar fight style, or public humiliation style. I have to point out the near-irony that he chose to call himself Timmy in the video, most likely because of the abrupt "Timmy!" he tried to say (like the South Park character. But, like Timmy, this kid is completley retarded. Unlike Timmy, this kid is an unloved dumb douchenozzle that is going to grow up to wear a gimp mask and hang around a dominatrix named Bill.

I don't know if he'll actually get charged with anything, but the little douchebag should get shot in the testicles. So should his friend that filmed it. But, since I'm a big believer in vigilante justice, I will provide more information on the abuser than you'd think possible:

Name: Kenny Glenn
Location: Lawton OK
Google map of his house: Click Here
Mother's Name: Sandi Glenn
2209 NW 25th St
Lawton, OK 73505-1916
(580) 585-6425

This kid touched a nerve. And nobody touches my nerves except neurosurgeons, Mi-Go, and my Little Bug. I'm going to go pet my kitty. Right now. And rub him. And tell him what a good kitty he is, even if he occasionally claws up my chair and pees on my carpet. He's still a good kitty, dammit!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Valentine's Day 2009

Hi everybody! Hi Dr. Nick! So with the current time, we wrap up Valentine's Day 2009. For everyone expecting a Prof-y post regarding the history of Valentine's Day, Rome said no one could get married, but a guy married people anyway, and he goes to jail. It's rumored he fell in love with the jailer's daughter and would send her notes signed *shocker* "Your Valentine."

But who cares about that?

So what sort of Valentine's Day cards or pictures did you kids get? Let me share some with you.

Until next year, you romantic blog readers you.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Le Petite Cible des Monstres Qui Enfants Romans

Ok, so all the media outlets have been discussing the disappearance of 5-year-old Haleigh Cummings from her north Florida home. They also keep bringing up the fact that 44 registered sex offenders live within 5 miles of her home. That isn't funny. But what is funny is the implication (albeit somewhat grossly hyperbolic) that an army of pedomonsters swarmed on the house like a zombie outbreak and carried her off.
If you think about the scenario, you know what happened. I know what happened. The whole damned world knows what happened. Giant ass-weasels. Ok, not really. Cute little girl + army of pedomonsters = little girl missing. Established. Some creepy weirdo nabbed her, molestered her, and then we have two possibilities for her current fate. Both involve the pedomonster panicking because there's a lot of media on this. He/she/it/they/you/that guy has her locked up or otherwise confined or tied up. Or he killed her. To death.

Which brings up another topic. Can CSI, Law and Order, NCIS, Numbers, and whatever the hell other show please stop providing blueprints for social deviants to commit murders, rapes, kidnappings, thefts, counterfeiting, bad acting and other crimes against humanity? If you watch these shows enough, it gives plenty of ideas of how to try and get away with it. "It" being the operative word for all the aforementioned examples. "Oh look, Bob got caught because of semen in the drain. When I go after this chick, I'm going to not ejaculate into the freaking drain." Most of the morons who commit crimes are too stupid to think of this stuff, please don't try to make them smarten up for your thin plotlines.
So anyway, little girl missing, army of pedomonsters on the march. That's gotta be worse than an army of the dead and those uruk-hai from Lord of the Rings combined. Ew, pedo-orks. Nasty. But yeah, the army of pedomonsters descends on the little girl's north Florida trailer home (there's a shocker) and here we are. Does anyone else get horrible flashbacks to the South Park episode where all the pedos come into the studio, see Chris Hansen, and shoot themselves? No? Well, watch it here, refresh your memory -

There we go. How do we save the little girl? Send the crew from To Catch a Predator to Florida. And if they don't do it, I'll try to distract you with Wookiees on a trapese. Who's going to see that coming?

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Incredibly Awesome, You Say?

Coming soon: BCK's ROCKTASTIC EVENT OF DEATH DOOM GLOOM DESTRUCTION BUNNIES AND VERY SMALL ROCKS 2009. Check in periodically for more information. Or don't. But then where will you be? At home. Bored. Thinking about the BCK Event that might have been. And how will you explain that to the grandchildren? "Grandpappy? Grammy-mama? Where were you when BCK's ROCKTASTIC EVENT OF DEATH DOOM GLOOM DESTRUCTION BUNNIES AND VERY SMALL ROCKS 2009 went down? Were you excited? Did you plotz?" And then you'll have to say "Well, little Jimmy, Billy, Suzie, Mortimer, and Little Superfly Junior, I didn't check in periodically and missed out on what could have quite possibly been the most awesome thing in the history of creation, according to certain sources that have yet to be verified." Or something equally as or more dramatic and remorseful. Don't be that guy. Think of the children. Think of Little Superfly Junior.

Concept? M$-Selling? KA-CHING!!

Mark Jacobs, the head of Mythic Entertainment, hates gold sellers. We know this. Most people hate goldsellers. They're seen as opportunistic, manipulative, greedy little Ferengi bastards. Where does anyone get off on selling a virtual currency system via conversion to real-life monies?
Alright, I admit that Ballmer wasn't necessarily the one who put M$ points into practice, but Bill Gates has gotten blamed and parodied to death. Plus, who's going to mock a motherf%#@r who can unleash swarms of mosquitos? He's like a supervillain. The Mosquito. Awesome.

At any rate, it begs the question: Is the conversion of US Dollars (British pounds, Euro... uh... Euros, etc.) to Microsoft Points a valid credit system whereby one utilizes said credits as forms of payment for media in a financially validated environment and a legitimate system? Or is it similar to gold-selling techniques whereby Microsoft uses a similar tactic of using a virtual monetary system to their advantage and for financial gain? For instance, in a virtual economy (WoW, WAR, LOTRO, et al) one uses gold to purchase weapons, armor, etc. One can purchase gold from gold-sellers for a predetermined dollar fee, which can then be used in the game. Microsoft allows players to purchase Microsoft points, which are used to purchase media on Xbox Live, such as videos, arcade titles, downloadable content, etc.

The only discernable difference is, quite clearly, that M$ points cannot be acquired by any other means than purchasing them (essentially converting US Dollars or other monies to credits created and distributed exclusively by Microsoft for the Xbox Live service.) One cannot "level" their Xbox Live account to get points. Unless it's Gamerscore points. Which is an entirely different topic, so we're not going there.

This post has been food for your philosophical thought. Chew it over. You can taste both sides. Mmm. Tasty sides. Agggghhhhh.....

Washington, DC

At some point, everyone immerses themselves in something entirely more than they should. Some people play Everquest, and leave their kids in the car. Some people play World of Warcraft, and leave their kids in the car. Some people are 60 years old and go to bingo each and every single Tuesday night, and have since 1968. And leave their kids in the car.

The point is, too much of a good thing can be a bad thing (the "could be" is for the philosophical antagonists before they even start.) In some way, whether it be making Freudian slips about the crazy helicopter pilot Mr. T hated named Murloc, or alienating yourself into a little clique (or clan or guild or team or flock or whatever) of like-minded individuals who share that particular passion, or leaving your kids in the car, there's almost always something bad that comes from too much of whatever it is you like.
This is a view of the Capitol Building and The Mall in Washington D.C. Unfortunately, I haven't seen it this way in my mind in quite some time. I typically see it like this
It's not even necessarily that I've played Fallout 3 too much. It's that... ok, I've played Fallout 3 too much. I ran around the Capitol Wasteland shooting Super Mutants and ferile ghouls and whatever else I encounter. But I spent enough time in the DC ruins that while watching the Inauguration I had the irresistable urge to stand on the steps of the Capitol and look out over the Mall in Fallout 3. When they moved into the Rotunda, I wanted to also. And now, with Lincoln's birthday, I want to go back to the Rotunda, make a mock speech (mine wouldn't be quite as full of historical inaccuracies regarding the Reconstruction period as some people's) and then head over to the Lincoln Memorial to check on the escaped slaves and see if they managed to reattach Abe's head yet.

I know there are not only some, but a lot of people (coughkidscough) that have explored a lot more of the game than I have, but that's because I play entirely too many games to commit to just one. I have a life filled with a series of tubes, my wife, other games, not leaving kids in the car... you know, actually, my life seems pretty boring. Now I'm depressed. Time to cheer myself up by going bowling!!!

...In Liberty City.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Six Feet Under, Completely Buried

From -

Cult death metal band Six Feet Under know how to do it right; loud, discordant, and frightening, the aggressive quartet growl and thrash their way through their popular tunes. Maximum Video captures the Metal Blade Records outfit live on tour, from June of 1999 through August of 2000. Along with thundering performances of 18 songs, behind-the-scenes footage is backstage antics are included.

No member reviews have been written. I found this filed under Television category. I understand this mistake, but my mind was still completely blown from

TV Dramedy
TV Dramas
Gay & Lesbian Dramas
Must-See TV Dramas
Ow. My brain. Come on, Netflix. Don't just presume that since it has the same name as that one show about the fruit nuts it must be the same thing. Someone half-assed their job.