Sunday, February 22, 2009

Readers Wept

Shortest post ever - I'm having surgery tomorrow. I'm going to bring my laptop into what I am going to call my "Recovery Fort." I may or may not post for a while. If you're going to start going through BCK withdrawal, here's some food for thought. Why the hell would there be copy of the Necronomicon in a locked room in a basement in a house in Reamstown PA? In 1928. And suddenly, zombies. I'll address this topic more in a future entry.

Also, no bills allowed inside the Recovery Fort. I hate paying them, and I won't while I'm down and out. Plus bills screw with my head when I'm taking pain medicine. Bills and pills don't mix. NO BILLS.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Cartoon Planet X?

I really need to stop watching national news. More specifically, I need to stop watching our new Overbamalord make his speeches. Honestly, am I the only one who listens to the words he says? I mean, I try my best to wrap my brain around the stuff that falls out of his head and lands on microphones, but it's getting harder and harder. It's like after his Hope and Change Campaign-A-Thon, he completely checked out upstairs. His words make no sense. It's like... oh gawd, screw it. From now on, he is Brak Obama.

Fat kids cover their feelings of inadequacy with humor. My brain apparently does the same thing when it gets overloaded with Stupid Waves coming from my tv news. But it's usually appropriate. Sure, we've seen Broccoli Obama, and even Zodbama (ooh, that would be a good photoshop.) But seriously. Think about this guy.

Seems appropriate, doesn't it? Eh? EH?

Fine. What about now?

That's what I thought.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Eyeball 3000. Minus 2999.9 Repeating.

It's amazing what science can do these days. Of course, I'm being facetious. I'm a little bitter, because my eyes hurt. I had to get an eye exam today, and they put those drops in that dilate your pupils to the point where they start sucking in stellar matter. They also did away with the process where they air brush your eyeballs, instead opting to add drops that completely numb your eyes and then stick the giant laser from Mars Attacks! into it. Actually, thinking about it, it's a lot like the scene from Fire in the Sky where they stick the needle in the guy's eye. And the Dr. shines lights in your eyes that are high-wattage. I mean high. I mean, apparently my eye doctor has found a way to harness the energy from the sun and shine it directly into my ocular cavities.

I came home, and couldn't see. Everything was dark and bright at the same time, and very blurry. I couldn't go online, I couldn't really watch tv. I couldn't focus on anything, so I couldn't read. And I picked up a copy of the new expansion for Grand Theft Auto IV: The Lost and the Damned. And I couldn't read the code, so I had to wait for my wife to come home and enter the thing onto Xbox Live for me. Sheesh.

Speaking of The Lost and the Damned, it's awesome. Being a biker in a biker gang riding around a pseudo-NYC? Sign me up. Also, sign me up for brownies. And direct me to the line where they hand out free money.

Which brings me to the question on everyone's mind. Why make an entry on a blog, even as awesome as this one, when I could be playing the aforementioned GTA IV DLC? Well, stupid, I said my eyeballs hurt. "But Big Chief," you may be saying to yourself, "That doesn't make sense. Your computer has light from the monitor, so what does it matter?" Well, Mr. Smartass, how are you just going to argue with me in every post like that. You should be ashamed of yourself. Why don't you go read some Spiderman comics and leave me alone.

Ok, you can stay. But I'm going to go play Xbox.

Shut up.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Kenny Glenn, Complete Douchebag

And today's topic, flying around the internet at the speed of things which fly through a series of tubes at a high velocity, is Kenny Glenn. "But Big Chief," you say, "Who or what, or possibly when, is a Kenny Glenn." Well, Kenny Glenn is a stupid teenager from Lawton, OK. From, like, now.

Kenny Glenn posted two videos on YouTube, today (February 15th, 2009) in which he abuses a cat named Dusty. Calling himself "Timmy" and "The Animal Abuser," the videos were posted on the YouTube account of "glennspam1". Anonymous, the Legion of unnamed users from 4chan, were on it like a fat chick on a ham, and soon KSWO News was flooded by calls and emails to air the story.

Comanche County teen films himself abusing cat, airs on YouTube
Posted: Feb 15, 2009 08:43 PM

Lawton_In a disgusting case of animal abuse, a cat being abused was filmed by the culprits and posted on YouTube. A teenaged boy slammed a cat against a wall and repeatedly struck it. It was a hot topic on the internet all day Sunday and bloggers think it happened in Lawton.
Among the thousands of posts on the internet, commenters pointed to Lawton as the source after it was posted this weekend. The user name and information, along with other information on the internet pointed to a teen here in Texoma. Posts from all over to country asked people to call 7News, and plenty did. Due to it's graphic nature, much of the video was edited for this story.
The teenager - who calls himself "Timmy" entered a bathroom that he called his laboratory. Inside the shower was a cat which the boy picked up by its neck and slammed against the wall and floor before beating it with his fists. The attack continued for more than a minute.
YouTube removed the video Sunday afternoon and disabled the user's account - but not before it was seen about 30,000 times. Local authorities confirm that they are investigating the video, and Lawton Police say the Comanche County Sheriff's Department is investigating. Sheriff Kenny Stradley has been shown the video.

Due to the graphic nature of the videos, I will not provide an uncensored link here and will only provide one upon request. And since I don't live at my computer, don't expect an immediate response unless you give me an email address.

This kid is a psychopath. I have to praise Anonymous on getting all OCD on him and finding every shred of info and making it public - not just because I don't want to get my computer blown up by Anon ninja hackers, but because any kid who can act like Kenny Glenn did with no feeling deserves to get their ass handed to them. Be it bar fight style, or public humiliation style. I have to point out the near-irony that he chose to call himself Timmy in the video, most likely because of the abrupt "Timmy!" he tried to say (like the South Park character. But, like Timmy, this kid is completley retarded. Unlike Timmy, this kid is an unloved dumb douchenozzle that is going to grow up to wear a gimp mask and hang around a dominatrix named Bill.

I don't know if he'll actually get charged with anything, but the little douchebag should get shot in the testicles. So should his friend that filmed it. But, since I'm a big believer in vigilante justice, I will provide more information on the abuser than you'd think possible:

Name: Kenny Glenn
Location: Lawton OK
Google map of his house: Click Here
Mother's Name: Sandi Glenn
2209 NW 25th St
Lawton, OK 73505-1916
(580) 585-6425

This kid touched a nerve. And nobody touches my nerves except neurosurgeons, Mi-Go, and my Little Bug. I'm going to go pet my kitty. Right now. And rub him. And tell him what a good kitty he is, even if he occasionally claws up my chair and pees on my carpet. He's still a good kitty, dammit!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Valentine's Day 2009

Hi everybody! Hi Dr. Nick! So with the current time, we wrap up Valentine's Day 2009. For everyone expecting a Prof-y post regarding the history of Valentine's Day, Rome said no one could get married, but a guy married people anyway, and he goes to jail. It's rumored he fell in love with the jailer's daughter and would send her notes signed *shocker* "Your Valentine."

But who cares about that?

So what sort of Valentine's Day cards or pictures did you kids get? Let me share some with you.

Until next year, you romantic blog readers you.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Le Petite Cible des Monstres Qui Enfants Romans

Ok, so all the media outlets have been discussing the disappearance of 5-year-old Haleigh Cummings from her north Florida home. They also keep bringing up the fact that 44 registered sex offenders live within 5 miles of her home. That isn't funny. But what is funny is the implication (albeit somewhat grossly hyperbolic) that an army of pedomonsters swarmed on the house like a zombie outbreak and carried her off.
If you think about the scenario, you know what happened. I know what happened. The whole damned world knows what happened. Giant ass-weasels. Ok, not really. Cute little girl + army of pedomonsters = little girl missing. Established. Some creepy weirdo nabbed her, molestered her, and then we have two possibilities for her current fate. Both involve the pedomonster panicking because there's a lot of media on this. He/she/it/they/you/that guy has her locked up or otherwise confined or tied up. Or he killed her. To death.

Which brings up another topic. Can CSI, Law and Order, NCIS, Numbers, and whatever the hell other show please stop providing blueprints for social deviants to commit murders, rapes, kidnappings, thefts, counterfeiting, bad acting and other crimes against humanity? If you watch these shows enough, it gives plenty of ideas of how to try and get away with it. "It" being the operative word for all the aforementioned examples. "Oh look, Bob got caught because of semen in the drain. When I go after this chick, I'm going to not ejaculate into the freaking drain." Most of the morons who commit crimes are too stupid to think of this stuff, please don't try to make them smarten up for your thin plotlines.
So anyway, little girl missing, army of pedomonsters on the march. That's gotta be worse than an army of the dead and those uruk-hai from Lord of the Rings combined. Ew, pedo-orks. Nasty. But yeah, the army of pedomonsters descends on the little girl's north Florida trailer home (there's a shocker) and here we are. Does anyone else get horrible flashbacks to the South Park episode where all the pedos come into the studio, see Chris Hansen, and shoot themselves? No? Well, watch it here, refresh your memory -

There we go. How do we save the little girl? Send the crew from To Catch a Predator to Florida. And if they don't do it, I'll try to distract you with Wookiees on a trapese. Who's going to see that coming?

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Incredibly Awesome, You Say?

Coming soon: BCK's ROCKTASTIC EVENT OF DEATH DOOM GLOOM DESTRUCTION BUNNIES AND VERY SMALL ROCKS 2009. Check in periodically for more information. Or don't. But then where will you be? At home. Bored. Thinking about the BCK Event that might have been. And how will you explain that to the grandchildren? "Grandpappy? Grammy-mama? Where were you when BCK's ROCKTASTIC EVENT OF DEATH DOOM GLOOM DESTRUCTION BUNNIES AND VERY SMALL ROCKS 2009 went down? Were you excited? Did you plotz?" And then you'll have to say "Well, little Jimmy, Billy, Suzie, Mortimer, and Little Superfly Junior, I didn't check in periodically and missed out on what could have quite possibly been the most awesome thing in the history of creation, according to certain sources that have yet to be verified." Or something equally as or more dramatic and remorseful. Don't be that guy. Think of the children. Think of Little Superfly Junior.

Concept? M$-Selling? KA-CHING!!

Mark Jacobs, the head of Mythic Entertainment, hates gold sellers. We know this. Most people hate goldsellers. They're seen as opportunistic, manipulative, greedy little Ferengi bastards. Where does anyone get off on selling a virtual currency system via conversion to real-life monies?
Alright, I admit that Ballmer wasn't necessarily the one who put M$ points into practice, but Bill Gates has gotten blamed and parodied to death. Plus, who's going to mock a motherf%#@r who can unleash swarms of mosquitos? He's like a supervillain. The Mosquito. Awesome.

At any rate, it begs the question: Is the conversion of US Dollars (British pounds, Euro... uh... Euros, etc.) to Microsoft Points a valid credit system whereby one utilizes said credits as forms of payment for media in a financially validated environment and a legitimate system? Or is it similar to gold-selling techniques whereby Microsoft uses a similar tactic of using a virtual monetary system to their advantage and for financial gain? For instance, in a virtual economy (WoW, WAR, LOTRO, et al) one uses gold to purchase weapons, armor, etc. One can purchase gold from gold-sellers for a predetermined dollar fee, which can then be used in the game. Microsoft allows players to purchase Microsoft points, which are used to purchase media on Xbox Live, such as videos, arcade titles, downloadable content, etc.

The only discernable difference is, quite clearly, that M$ points cannot be acquired by any other means than purchasing them (essentially converting US Dollars or other monies to credits created and distributed exclusively by Microsoft for the Xbox Live service.) One cannot "level" their Xbox Live account to get points. Unless it's Gamerscore points. Which is an entirely different topic, so we're not going there.

This post has been food for your philosophical thought. Chew it over. You can taste both sides. Mmm. Tasty sides. Agggghhhhh.....

Washington, DC

At some point, everyone immerses themselves in something entirely more than they should. Some people play Everquest, and leave their kids in the car. Some people play World of Warcraft, and leave their kids in the car. Some people are 60 years old and go to bingo each and every single Tuesday night, and have since 1968. And leave their kids in the car.

The point is, too much of a good thing can be a bad thing (the "could be" is for the philosophical antagonists before they even start.) In some way, whether it be making Freudian slips about the crazy helicopter pilot Mr. T hated named Murloc, or alienating yourself into a little clique (or clan or guild or team or flock or whatever) of like-minded individuals who share that particular passion, or leaving your kids in the car, there's almost always something bad that comes from too much of whatever it is you like.
This is a view of the Capitol Building and The Mall in Washington D.C. Unfortunately, I haven't seen it this way in my mind in quite some time. I typically see it like this
It's not even necessarily that I've played Fallout 3 too much. It's that... ok, I've played Fallout 3 too much. I ran around the Capitol Wasteland shooting Super Mutants and ferile ghouls and whatever else I encounter. But I spent enough time in the DC ruins that while watching the Inauguration I had the irresistable urge to stand on the steps of the Capitol and look out over the Mall in Fallout 3. When they moved into the Rotunda, I wanted to also. And now, with Lincoln's birthday, I want to go back to the Rotunda, make a mock speech (mine wouldn't be quite as full of historical inaccuracies regarding the Reconstruction period as some people's) and then head over to the Lincoln Memorial to check on the escaped slaves and see if they managed to reattach Abe's head yet.

I know there are not only some, but a lot of people (coughkidscough) that have explored a lot more of the game than I have, but that's because I play entirely too many games to commit to just one. I have a life filled with a series of tubes, my wife, other games, not leaving kids in the car... you know, actually, my life seems pretty boring. Now I'm depressed. Time to cheer myself up by going bowling!!!

...In Liberty City.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Six Feet Under, Completely Buried

From -

Cult death metal band Six Feet Under know how to do it right; loud, discordant, and frightening, the aggressive quartet growl and thrash their way through their popular tunes. Maximum Video captures the Metal Blade Records outfit live on tour, from June of 1999 through August of 2000. Along with thundering performances of 18 songs, behind-the-scenes footage is backstage antics are included.

No member reviews have been written. I found this filed under Television category. I understand this mistake, but my mind was still completely blown from

TV Dramedy
TV Dramas
Gay & Lesbian Dramas
Must-See TV Dramas
Ow. My brain. Come on, Netflix. Don't just presume that since it has the same name as that one show about the fruit nuts it must be the same thing. Someone half-assed their job.