Tuesday, December 27, 2011

How to play Skyrim like a sexually-repressed virgin teenager

Notable tl;dr excerpts:

"Remember this bear here? Fist his fucking face off. Shove your fist up his asshole."

"Rape his ass if you want to; if you're a gay rapist."

"I'm a viking. Look at that bitch, he's fucking dead."

"Kill the fucking walrus. Who the fuck wants to be a walrus? So kill him; end his misery. No one wants to be a walrus."

"Remember you're a fucking badass, so you are the one that killed Bambi's mother. Skin that bitch, make her into leather. That's real important."

"Do everyone a favor and kill Grelod. That fucking bitch. ...Kill this bitch as well because you're badass, remember to be badass. Children? They are fucking pussies, so kill them! They are pussies."

"Do whatever he wants you to do, then beat the shit out of him. Kill that bitch. He's a pussy. Fucking dresses in a fucking... dress, what is this?"

"Rip their fucking hearts out. Don't eat the heart, just the rip the heart out."

"Congratulations, you're now officially a badass. You will get all the titties and nipples in the world."

Thanks Grunthos for inspiring the title!

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