Tuesday, December 11, 2012

A Window Into The Future

Hello there, children!

Last week I upgraded my cell phone. Here's a brief history of my cell phone ownership since... ever. Around 2001 or so, I had one of those enormous Nokia coffin phones. You know, the ones that if you accidentally dropped it, it would create a crack in the earth and countless hordes of demons and monsters would come out of to wreak destruction and bring a thousand years of darkness?

Then around 1996 I got a Treo. Admittedly, this was mostly the fault of Charles Stross but it was still an amazing phone. Think today's smartphones before smartphones, so it was like an awesome James Bond mobile app computer. All I needed was a good app with a Mandelbrot screensaver to scramble the brains of those who looked at it unwittingly and I would have been set. Alas, I never found one.

I bet he had it all planned out from the beginning.

Moving forward, enter marriage and a state of being somewhat "settled down," and I ended up with a Motorola Razor phone. Once I figured out I couldn't shave with it, I replaced it with a Samsung Flight. Touch screen, QWERTY keyboard like my Treo had, but alas not a smart phone proper. Crap may rhyme with app, but it AT&T got that one wrong. The Flight was actually a good phone for a few years, provided one just wanted a phone and nothing more complicated than text messaging. Which I did. Sure, it had internet capability, email, and even some sort of streaming video feature. But when you're poor like I was, they may as well have never existed.

Enter the post-divorce period. I got a tracfone. It was horrible. I am seeking therapy. So I upgraded the tracfone to Walmart's solution for poor people: Straight Talk. It's tracfone, using one of your old discarded cell phones you threw in a box years ago and forgot until now. Forty-five bucks, unlimited calling, unlimited text, unlimited data. Sounds like a bargain, right? Wrong. They neglect to tell you data doesn't usually work with most phones. They send you a sim card and some vague instructions and leave you to your own devices. Get it? YOUR OWN DEVICES! Ok, sorry.

Back to what I was getting at in the first sentence, I got a new phone last week. I've officially caught up with the rest of the world at entered this strange new society that uses and understands technology superior to that which I am used to. So did I get an iPhone, you're wondering? Hell no. I'll never succomb to the glamour of the Cult of Jobs. I once came close to getting an iPod, but never did. Thank my lucky stars.

I got a Windows 8x phone. And man, this thing is smart in every sense of the word. It works awesome, it looks awesome, and it is awesome.

Please keep drooling to a minimum.

So with the new phone came new apps, and new looks into services. Any of you who have read more than this solitary post, or who have known me for more than 3.7 seconds probably know I have an Xbox 360. So this phone ties in with that, uses Smart Glass, etc. And I recently got a subscription to the Xbox Music Pass. Cuz, you know, I like music. Not only can I stream whatever I want on my phone, computer, Xbox, etc., but I can also watch music videos and such. Pretty awesome, I think. It used to be 14.99, but somewhere along the line they dropped the price to 9.99, guaranteeing my interest.

So the next item of business was to think about my computer. I just got a new computer in September, running Windows 7. Windows 8 dropped in October, and it's all Metro and app-laden. I wasn't keen on the thought of spending upwards of 60 bucks to upgrade, so I didn't think much about it. Until now.

So I purchased it and I'm going to upgrade before bed tonight. Next step, get a new car. Preferably a flying car. And then, the only thing left to consider is putting my brain in a robot body.

No comments: